I took a bath on my lunch break. This is what I (re)learned.
I have the exquisite luxury of working from home. I don't take it for granted, I swear I manifested it by writing down that I wanted it on every page of every journal I've had in the last three years, and I really wouldn't want it any other way. Still, in spite of the fact that I can take most of my work calls and write most of my emails clad in pajamas, I've maintained the distinct ability to run myself entirely ragged. This applies very much to yesterday. Yesterday I kind of hit rock bottom.
Between planning a wedding, Ben turning 30 last week, my bridal shower the week before, and, oh, only the BIGGEST event in the history of the congregation I work for coming up in less three weeks (you should come, by the way), I've managed to completely exhaust myself by accident while simultaneously being a little half-assed. That's what happens when you're trying to do a million things at once: you can't be as full-assed as you intended because your ass is all over the place.
My shortcomings caught up with me yesterday when that one final thing that I could have prevented had I been paying more attention when awry. I found myself uncontrollably sobbing in my kitchen upon realizing my mistake and completely unable to hold back my tears from anyone I encountered that day (seriously though...) Although I realized that the key to getting a grip on everything on my plate was actually to take a step back from it all, I wasn't really able to take that step until being slightly sick and tremendously exhausted caught up with me today. I took life up on the fact the I work within 10 feet of my tub and used my lunch break to take a big, hot bath.
In the interest of la dolce fa niente (the art of doing nothing), I left my magazines, my cell phone and my laptop behind (yes, I have taken my laptop with me to the bathroom before) and soaked holding only my yogi tea in my hand. I only lasted about 15 minutes until I jumped out to write this blog post, but I re-discovered something that I tend to forget and re-learn every day:
The more I rest, the more I can actually get done.
All the details and tasks I kept kicking myself for forgetting came rushing back to me. My ideas got clearer, better. I remembered things I would have certainly forgotten had I not taken a nice break today, and I certainly would have wound up back in a meltdown had I really wound up forgetting them completely.
I get that there are a lot of people out there who pride themselves on pushing themselves to the brink and never coming up for air. I am not one of those people. I am glad that being perpetually exhausted is becoming less en vogue, and that self care and rest are slowly taking its place. Anything I ever gave of myself to the world that I was proud of came from a full tank. I know that it's my job to fill it up each day.
No rest for the weary is backwards. Everyone needs rest. Especially the weary.